Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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