I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
