he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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