We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
