is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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