I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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