I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
