there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
