One girl and one boy is just not enough.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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