atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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