she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
