last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
