i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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