If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
