every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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