i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
