dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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