all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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