There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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