Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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