This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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