when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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