Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
