ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
