I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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