Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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