DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
