if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
