imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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