I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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