when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
