You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
