After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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