I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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