The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
