plz talk dirty to me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
