The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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