I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
