you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
