Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
