she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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