There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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