? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
