Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
