Jerry, you need to find god
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
