We got so high we made milksteak
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
