Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
