Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
