The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
