hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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