What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
