Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
