If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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