i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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