he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
