dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
