Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
