Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
