There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
